No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
