VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
