My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
