and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
