I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
