She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
NoShamevember. You game?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
