I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
