Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
