Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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