this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
