I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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