Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
