I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
