i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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