im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
