I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
