im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
