i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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