My room smells like vodka and shame
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
