You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
