I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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