Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
