Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
