So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
