at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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