He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
