Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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