Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
