So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
