Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there's paper in my vomit.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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