WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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