Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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