I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
