I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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