I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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