With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
