In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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