There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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