he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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