I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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