Can Purell be used as lube?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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