Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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