I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
