I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
