Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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