thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
