Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
