just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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