I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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