Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
