Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
