I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
