How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
