oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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